Love is Hard

Love.

It is something that I'm struggling with right now. I say I love my family, and I do. I say I love my friends, and I do. I say I love my boyfriend, and I do.

But sometimes it is so hard to love. Sometimes I just can't find it in myself to love someone who has hurt me or who doesn't love me back. This is because by loving them, it feels like I am condoning what they've done, when in reality this is not the proper concept of love at all.

True love does not depend on whether you're receiving love back. True love does not have conditions on which it will exist, hence unconditional love. Actually, the word "unconditional" should not even be necessary because it's implied by the real meaning of the word love, but we have successfully perverted such a beautiful thing into one that does have conditions.

I realized tonight the conditions I have put on loving someone. I had a very hard time today loving a friend because I see her putting conditions on her love for me, yet turning around and giving herself wholly to someone else who hasn't been there for her nearly as much. This is TERRIBLE because not only is almost a vengeful condition that I have put on my love for her as my friend, it is also prideful because I feel I have given so much to our friendship without recognizing what she's done. Love is not prideful. This is something basic, something you learn in grade school catechism classes along with singing the Fruits of the Spirit.

Now, I don't know the extent to which the people around me struggle with love, but I think that in today's society, having and understanding the proper concept love is a problem in general. I guess besides this being just a random reflection, I have also come to the conclusion that maybe through recognizing our own small ways that we fail to love, eventually we can be more loving as a whole.