Love Is Real, Love Is Here

My good friend Alissa inspires me.

In fact, she has inspired me since I met her exactly 2 years and 10 months ago.

You see, 2 years and 10 months ago, I was fine. I loved my life and I was excited to be at college in Ohio, away from where I would have been in California.

But 2 years and 8 months ago, I was not fine. Within 2 months I reached a very sad and dark place in my life, much to the disappointment of myself. I didn't understand, well, anything really. While my insides seemed to be consumed by hurt, pain, suffering, confusion, anger, resentment, unforgiveness, self-hatred, shame, guilt (the list goes on), there was this shining beacon of light whom I knew as Alissa.

There were many such beacons of light, but this one was different. Alissa was different. Her light radiated outward like many of the others, except that hers also radiated to me. She wasn't just a light, she was light to me. I was gradually becoming acutely aware of the stark contrast between the abyss of what my life had become and the radiant joy that was right next to me. I lived with these beacons of light, with these people who lived a different life, yet I was unable to leave mine no matter how hard I tried or how badly I wanted it.

Then, 2 years and 5 months ago, after the longest 3 months of my entire life, I painfully and desperately tried to grab some light of my own.

Alissa was there, radiating her light still. Sometimes I would see her so exhausted and tired, but never too tired to stop radiating that light. I was so intrigued by this but so thankful because I didn't have time to wonder or care if she was tired or exhausted -- I needed that light so that I didn't slip back into darkness.

It wasn't until 1 year and 8 months ago that I began to see the darkness that I was in. How, you ask? Because I was so immersed in it that I could only vaguely sense it. However, I could vividly perceive where I was not, which is where Alissa was. Well, she had graduated months before and I didn't see her for several more. But suddenly, I realized I was no longer suffocating in darkness (without ever knowing I was, confusing I know) because then I was so far removed that I had a much clearer vision.

Without having seen Alissa for almost a year, it hit me one day -- I realized what a beacon of light she was. I could say that I knew that, that I noticed, but I didn't really. I was still too caught up in myself. Like I said, there wasn't really time to pay much attention.

Overwhelmed with thanksgiving and love, I can now tell you, 2 years and 10 months later, why she was and is a shining beacon of light that continues to inspire me, even to this day.

She was, and is, my friend.

I know that she knew I was stuck. Most people probably did. But she shined greater than anyone else because she didn't tell me I was stuck. She didn't act like I was different or living an unacceptable life with unacceptable people. She was my friend, and all she did was love me. The love she showed was so drastically opposed to the love I was NOT shown that I could not help but notice and desire to be free from everything else holding me down.

My faith is no secret, so I find it safe to say that Satan was after my soul. He wanted me so bad. And guess what? He lost. Epic failure. Alissa had screamed a resounding YES! to God before we met, though sometimes it was probably a weak, reluctant one. But little did she know that as she kept saying that yes, that disciplined, obedient yes every day, God was winning the victory over my heart and soul. If it weren't for her saying yes to HIM, then I would not be here. I don't where I would be, but it probably wouldn't be here.

So I have been thinking about how much I miss her. But no matter how much I do, she still inspires me anyway. We go months without talking, but when we do I am always overwhelmed with gratitude that she would see me through the eyes of God and do nothing more than be my friend.

This very long, quite personal entry is merely to culminate in this point:

Who's to say we are not this person for someone? We do not forget those who change our lives with small acts of kindness, so who's to say that we haven't done the same? And if we are having a hard time, well, that's life. But maybe there is someone who only knows hard times and doesn't need to be convinced. Maybe that person needs to know that even in those times, there is hope. We still have a choice. We still shape our character. Maybe they need to know that discipline is possible, that we are not ruled by emotions or instincts.

Perhaps they need to know that love is real. And if you show them that...well you just might change someone's life.

Real love is unconditional. Real love is a habit. And yes, that means it's a choice.

Make the choice.

Oh and P.S. -- Alissa is the same Alissa as the one mentioned on the right. She writes one of the most passionate and well-written blogs that I follow. Read it.