My Name Is Written In Heaven

Last night I sat in Regina Angelorum's common room to pray night prayers. I decided that I should pray their household covenant beforehand, and as I did, it all became more real for me. Suddenly I didn't feel like I was just reading a piece of paper, but I was comprehending it. I realized the power of the covenant and felt the intensity of what it calls me to do every day. After I finished, I looked up and saw everything in the common room, all the stuff: the candles, the statues, the crosses, the angels, the walls...In that moment, it was real for me. It was real that I am joining this household and that one day I will be a part of the sisterhood that I now look at from the outside. But it's more than just saying I am another sister, wearing the sweatshirt, and attending commitments - I will be an integral part of the sisterhood. I will not only just have my sisters to support me and help me grow in my faith, I will need to be that for them. Instead of taking this thought and looking forward to it, suddenly I filled with fear, hesitation.

Could I be strong enough? Am I strong enough to be a sister to these girls who have been in the household for years? Will I be able to make myself vulnerable to them when I need it? Can I possibly keep the words of this covenant and its challenges for the rest of my life? My life is a long time, and though I know these thoughts are not of God, they have plagued my mind since last night.

Am I good enough? Every time I ask that terrible question, I always revert back to the Bible verse from Luke that Jess gave me a few weeks back:

"Behold, I have given you authority to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and over the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you. Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you; but rejoice that your names are written in heaven."

I have power over evil, but what is greater is that my name is written in heaven. Why do I ask if I am good enough when the Lord has already written my name down in heaven, planning to use me to do His will on this earth? He will guide me through these times as I come so close to becoming an Angel, a sister in Regina Angelorum.